I wish I could tell you each and every example of the dozens of dates I’ve been on where I not only felt completely detached from the subject of the date, but eventually wanted to escape.
This is because the guy was either A) completely obsessed with doing everything correctly, and paying SO much attention to his own words, actions, and body language trying to impress me that he had NO CLUE how I was doing, B) what we girls tend to call a “player”, who prides himself on his ability to get exactly what he wants from a girl using flattery, manipulation, or well planned out truth, but is STILL only thinking about what HE wants from ME, but not me or C) is honestly really good at asking questions and listening to the answers, but spends so much time reacting, trying to interpret those answers or read into them that he misses what I’m actually saying
Now, with the A types, here’s what usually happens:
He’s a nice guy, really nothing wrong with him, and I had an okay time. But it was more like watching a performance than getting to know an actual person and he comes off as very insecure. Girls don’t like insecurity when it comes to acting on feelings, it sends a very bad sign. I might go out on another date, but as a girl I’m not really intrigued, or hoping for anything else.
We know what you’re doing, and it pisses us off. We realize you’re playing us like a guitar, and sometimes allow it anyway for whatever reason, but bottom line, we don’t like to be manipulated. So even if you do get what you want in the short run, we’ll end up hating you in the long run.
Usually this type confuses us. Do you want to date me, or do you want to be my best friend? You’re so busy picking up vibes that you aren’t sending any out, and I’m beginning to wonder if you might be a little gay.
How to avoid being one of these types:
Everything in life requires balance. Dealing with a girl is a lot like dancing the Flamenco with plates in your hands and an egg on your head, but it’s doable. The first thing you need to realize is that the date is NOT ABOUT YOU. It is about her. That’s why you asked her out, because you already know all about you, and you want to know about her. So many guys forget this because they think she wants to know more about them, before she’ll give them a chance. But you’ve neglected to notice that she’s already on a date with you. That means you need to stop trying to impress her and get to know her.
So, you want to know whether or not she likes you? Two words: body language.
Q) When you picked her up, (which you should have) did she spare more than one glance at what you were wearing? Did she pause in shock if you were dressed more nicely than you normally are when she sees you? Did she comment at all on the way you looked or smelled?
A) One, two, or All of the Above: Bonus. She’s physically aware of you. And either she likes what shes seen already, or she’s willing to start thinking about it. Also, if she looks taken aback at all by your hot appearance, there’s a chance she’s rethinking her opinion of you for the better.
Q) Did she seem comfortable? Were her arms crossed in front of her body, or did she fold her hands together? Did she angle towards you in the car or across the table at dinner? Did she put her hands on top of the table, or under it? Did she ever “unintentionally” brush up against you when it was completely unnecessary?
A) Most of these are pretty easy to judge. Arms crossed or hands folded = bad. She feels uncomfortable, insecure, or threatened. You need to either back off, draw her out, or make her feel safer. Under the table is also not so good a sign, although she might also just be cold. Another sign that most guys would never think to look for: Did she keep her bag in her lap (at the movie theater, under the table, or in the car)? This is a sign of discomfort, mistrust, or an subconciously intentional gesture of setting a barrier. Not a friendly omen. Small points of contact that seem accidental but are just too coincidental to not be on purpose are good. Touchiness as a general rule is a green light.
(At some later time, I will probably publish an in-depth post on male and female body language, but I don’t have room here.)