Wake me up when November ends…

So. This has been an interesting season. I’ve cried, laughed, danced, grieved, slept, ailed, healed, worked, learned, worked, loved, lost, and avoided taxes. I’ve thought, prayed, questioned, pondered, imagined, reasoned, puzzled, wondered, and asked. I’ve doubted, given up, sworn, denied, ignored, forgotten, and spurned. But not once did I die. And for that, I am grateful.

Why is it that the most learning seems to occur in the times that are the most painful? Why is it that answers never come when we desperately seem to need them, but instead after we have moved on? Why does love ignore us, even forsake us when we try to cling to it, only to return when we finally become proficient at standing alone? Why, when we thirst, does the water dry up faster, and the one holding the cup takes it farther from our reach? Why is rest so often denied the weary?

Perhaps there is something to the theory of penance in order to bestow worthiness. Although it is not a teaching often found in our (and by “our” I mean Mormon) culture, perhaps the early Catholics were right. Maybe we’re not actually worthy of good until we’ve proven ourselves able to withstand the bad. Maybe, we are not granted reprieve until we can walk with confidence under fire in any given area. This is just a vague theory, but perhaps, if people wouldn’t ask “Why me, I know I deserve better?” or “Why can’t I have gotten what I wanted?” but instead say “I cannot think of what I deserve until I have earned it.” and “The world owes me nothing, but I owe everything I am given.” even if we wouldn’t all get what we want, perhaps we would cease to need it?

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4 thoughts on “Wake me up when November ends…

  1. I don’t know about your theory. I think that we tend to screw everything up on our own until we figure out what we’re doing wrong, and then we get what we want. I don’t think we necessarily have to prove ourselves to God; I think we have to learn from our mistakes, never make them again, and rise to a whole new set of challenges. If you don’t understand what you’re doing wrong, you can work at it all day long and things will only get worse; however, the moment you figure out what you’re doing wrong, you can solve your problem and never deal with it again. This is all kind of vague. My point is that hard work and effort might make you think that you deserve something, but if you’re going about it all wrong, you’ll never get it. It’s like trying to tunnel out of the prisoner of war camp (the Great Escape anyone?) and spending months digging in the wrong direction.

  2. Ha, your argument boils down to the grace versus works argument, I think. But Vero, I’m with you on this one. Not that we can ever reach a point where we deserve the blessings, but that we should work our whole lives as though we’re in debt and trying to catch up. ONly then will the blessings come, and we will be astonished by how much the Lord blesses us. The fool goes through life expecting things to go his way because of his own worth. The wise man tries only to do some good and marvels at the good that is returned to him. I think your post is one of the most beautiful I’ve read in a long time. You need to do this more often!

  3. Something about hearing that from one of the most beautiful people I’ve met in Utah makes me feel good inside. You are one cool female, Vero.

  4. dear ron ron….I love to come here because I can always do the most learning and feel the most amazement by my very own friends… I’m lucky I don’t have to go far or read novels with big words. I’m surrounded by incredible talent in my own little circle that I’ve come to call family….You’re beautiful. One disclaimer… that you disreguard all of my mis-word-uses… yes, sometimes I try to go overboard and what I’m saying you’ll find really doesn’t make all that much sense at all.

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